Transformers: Dark of the Moon REVIEW (spoiler free)

So let me clarify something right now, if you know you don't like Bay's movies OR the Transformers OR the characters in the Transformers movies (human or otherwise), then obviously you shouldn't be watching this movie. That would be like me paying money to suffer through Return of the King, when I fell asleep through LOTR, and didn't even bother with the second movie in the trilogy. I'm just saying that it's the third movie in a trilogy, and if you weren't on board at any other point with the other two, chances are you shouldn't be hopping aboard right now either since you're bound to be disappointed. 

With that said, I found this movie was what the first movie should have been all along story and plot-wise (and yes, there is a plot and it's actually good). Are there silly moments? Sure, but no moreso than in the cartoons or the previous two movies. I actually found that the human characters were toned down a little bit (except for LaDouche's character), and were necessary to move the story along. Sure, the first hour could have been edited down a little more, but at least it wasn't three and a half extremely long boring hours of some assholes with big feet walking through a forest complaining about food and their unrequited love for each other all the time when they could have just flown on the back of a giant eagle to the fire pit to drop the stupid ring into....just to put things in perspective. 

It has a two and a half hour running time, but (for me at least) it didn't feel like it. Everyone that survived the first two movies is here (except for the Ghetto-Bot twins, which were replaced with the annoying smaller bots from the second movie, and Megan "Toe-Thumb" Fox), and a few new additions to the cast as well make it a fairly large cast to deal with so a lot of the shenanigans that bogged down the second movie are (thankfully) gone. 

This time around we are introduced to Sentinel Prime (voiced by Leonard Nimoy) who was leader of the Autobots during the Cybertron war (which we get to see a little bit of as well) and was lost along with a great weapon that could have ended the war. Needless to say, Megatron wants the weapon, as do the Autobots, and mayhem and robot-on-robot carnage ensues. Actually, there is a bit more to the plot, but to say any more about it would reveal some surprises. 

This is the first time we get to see the real consequences of these giant robots unleashed on the human population. For me, some parts of the movie actually looked a lot like the Terminator series where the HK's are hunting down and killing people. And believe me, you see people getting killed. Vaporized, blown up, etc. I was actually kind of surprised considering the first two movies were almost as bloodless as a GI Joe vs Cobra fight. 

The humor in the movie is a little juvenile, but actually toned down from the previous two movies. There are two fairly good Star Trek (the original stuff, not the bastardized JJ Abram's crapfest) jokes done at Nimoy's expense. And there are a surprising amount of a handful of good actors that make an appearance in this outing. Of course, it wouldn't be a Bay movie without at least one racist character, and that's left to Ken Jeong to fill that need of Bay's. Thankfully, it's not a lot of screen time. 

I saw this in 2D, but from what I'm hearing (and what I saw in the movie) 3D was the way to go see this movie since it was actually utilized correctly. So if you're on the fence, take the 3D plunge, which you know is a rare endorsement from me.

Finally, it's a movie geared towards kids and those kids that grew up with the first two movies. It's a little dumbed down, but not as bad as the second movie had been. It's what you expect a summer sequel movie to be, loud, fun, and you get to hang out with some old movie buddies one last time.....at least until the next sequel.

Rating: Full Price + 3D. Yup, I actually said WITH 3D. I know I'm a little shocked myself. 

Green Lantern Movie Review (possible Spoilers)

I finally got around to seeing Green Lantern tonight. Normally I tend to write my reviews about a day after seeing a movie to let it percolate and give me time to mull it over, but this one I kind of just want to get it over with sooner rather than later.   

The first five minutes into the movie had me giggling (and not in a good way) at a flaming screaming skull flying out into space. If you lived during the 1970's you'd know what kind I meant. They used to adorn vans, blacklight posters, etc. and looked really cheesy even though some people think it used to look cool or even macho. It's explained in these first few minutes how the Guardians set up the Green Lantern Corps and split up the galaxy into over 3000 sectors. Each sector gets a Green Lantern to protect it, so it's kind of a big deal. 

After this we see the GL for our sector getting his ass handed to him fairly easily by the screaming skull, getting injured and then ejecting from his ship to find a replacement since he knows he is dying. This is where we meet Hal Jordan, or the version of Jordan they decided to use for the big screen. He's a test pilot and a screw up, a womanizer, and still has a hangup about seeing his dad die in a plane crash when he was a kid. 

Anyway, Hal gets the ring, makes the flight to Oa to meet the Lanterns and begin training. Here's where things go wrong. Hal decides he isn't right for the Corps so he returns to Earth. With the ring. You know, the ring that's supposed to be used to protect our sector of space. He does this without question from any of the other Lanterns or even the Guardians. 

In the meantime, on Earth, while Hal was playing soldier, the government was examining the body and aircraft of Abin Sur. They bring in another scientist named Hector Hammond to look at the body, and of course he gets infected with some leftover spooge from the screaming skull. 

Here's the really wacky part, somehow (it's never explained in the movie) Hal and Hector know each other, and they both have a thing for Carol Ferris (Hal's boss). Supposedly all three know each other, but it's kind of just thrust in there like a chunk of backstory was missing. 

Anyway, the screaming skull which is the living embodiment of fear (named Parallax), is coming to Oa to destroy the Lanterns for imprisoning it. But now that Hector Hammond has been infected with this fear agent, Parallax decides to come to Earth to kill everyone and get stronger before heading to Oa.  

Sinestro (a Green Lantern) asks the Guardians what they know about Parallax since they seem to know its name. They tell him that it was once a Guardian that tried to harness the power of fear to use since willpower (the power of the lanterns) seemed to be weakening. Mind you, the Guardians have billions of years of knowledge (or so they say), and have already lost one of their own trying to use fear as a weapon. So what does Sinestro suggest? Why not build a yellow ring harnessing the fear power to fight Parallax? Wasn't the asshole just listening to the story? It doesn't work. But what do the Guardians do with their vast knowledge and experience? Yup, you got it. They decide to build a yellow ring. Honestly, at this point my IQ started taking hits at how dumb this movie was becoming.

Anyway, Hal decides he wants to be a Lantern after all, so he flies all the way to Oa to ask for help against Parallax, and essentially is told good luck after he decides to take on Parallax alone. Really, something he could have phoned in with the ring (which we saw earlier in the movie) instead of wasting time flying back and forth. 

Long story short, the bad no-love triangle gets resolved, Parallax comes to Earth, yada, yada, yada. The end. There's yet another incomprehensible scene about three minutes into the end credits that has a main character doing something that they would have no reason, or motivation, or setup to do. It's basically done to setup a sequel.

First off, really, REALLY bad CGI and effects in this movie. Nothing looked real world. There's even a scene where a tanker truck is thrown into the air and that CGI looks like hot wheels car. The suit's energy crackle was visually disturbing as well. It kept reminding me that it was CGI, and since it didn't blend well with the actor, it reminded me that it was bad CGI. Add to that darkness and clutter (even on the Oa scenes), and you have entirely too busy CGI scenery that makes it look like a videogame, and not a big budget movie. 

And speaking of faking it, Blake Lively.....she tried, she really did, but she fell flat in trying to be human in the human moments. She was good in the few action scenes she was in, mainly because she didn't have to act against anyone else. Reynolds went through the movie with the sad puppy dog eyes he's good at doing, but there was no emotional depth to character at all. This was a paycheck from the looks of things. Seriously, there's a drinking game to be had in this movie every time someone mentions that the ring choose Hal for a reason.  

Skaarsgard and Strong were pretty much on the money as far as their characters are concerned, yet they weren't in the movie as much as Reynolds and Lively. Unfortunately for us all. 

Rating: Rental. Again, there's so much stuff coming out this summer that you can honestly miss this turkey and find something much more worth your time and money.

Troll Hunter: Review (Spoiler Free)

This little gem out of Norway has been hitting the indie and international film circuits recently to much applause. All I can say is, believe the hype. This is a "found footage" film which many have been comparing (unfairly) to The Blair Witch Project, since it's really the only Cinéma vérité that most American film goers are familiar with. The truth is, this movie is much more similar in tone to the French movie Man Bites Dog (which came out almost a decade before Blair Witch). As an aside, if you've never seen Man Bites Dog, rent it. It's a must see for anyone that likes dark comedies. Anyway, on to the review...

The story opens with a group of college kids doing a story on the bear problem and possible bear poaching in an area near them in Norway. They start following a guy they think is a bear poacher, mainly because they think it would be an interesting slant to the story for the college. As they find out rather startling, that this guy isn't out hunting bears, he's hunting trolls. 

Yes, trolls are real. They're dumb, they eat pretty much anything (including rocks), and the government knows about them and tries to keep them penned into an area using electric power lines. Hans, the troll hunter, works for the government in taking care of rogue trolls (insert your own Sarah Palin joke here) for all of Norway. 

Along the way we find out all the facts about trolls, and also the different variety (or species if you will) of them. One of the facts, that trolls can smell the blood of a Christian, is used to some very good comedic effect and timing in a few places in the movie. 

So how was the movie? It takes a little while to get started (almost 25-30 minutes) before you start to get into it, but once it does get started it's a fun ride. Also, if you're not into subtitles (and your Norwegian is a little rusty) then this isn't for you, since the entire movie is subtitled. Hans, the troll hunter, I can see becoming another iconic movie bad ass like John McClain, or (more likely) Ash from the Evil Dead series. He has a calm, matter-of-fact kind of attitude that works very well for this kind of movie. 

The CGI trolls were done very well, and for the budget were actually much more believable than the craptastic creature from JJ Abrams' bloated Super 8. Plus there's actually an attempt in this movie not to demonize the trolls, but to place them in the animal kingdom as just another part of the flora and fauna of the Earth. Very well done all the way around. 

Rating: Full Price Ticket for Multiple Viewings. If this movie is playing near you, go see it and have some fun. 

Super 8 Movie Review

I went and saw JJ Abram's new movie, "Super 8" tonight. I sprang for the extra dough to see it on the IMAX screen to get the better sound, and because the higher ticket price keeps the riff raff out of the theater. Here's a brief synopsis of the movie:

A group of kids in a small rural town circa 1979 are making a zombie movie by the train tracks when they witness a dramatic train derailment. This derailment brings in the Air Force and the military to cover up whatever was aboard the train. Strange incidents begin to happen all over town including power fluctuations and mysterious disappearances which the kids take it upon themselves to solve. 

This is Abram's homage to Steven Spielberg's 80's movies. You know, "E.T.", "Goonies", etc. as well as those 80's coming-of-age stories ("Stand By Me" comes readily to mind). So how does he do? Well, it feels like someone trying to do an 80's Spielberg movie, and pretty much missing the mark. Especially if you're one of those 80's kids, like me, that grew up seeing classic Spielberg movies first run in the theater. You can feel the nostalgia being forced. 

That's not to mean that there aren't some fine performances in this movie. Elle Fanning does a good job in quite a few scenes, but does a bit of overacting in a handful of scenes as well. The other five main boy characters come off as kind of a pale imitation of The Goonies, only being film nerds instead of adventurers. And the main boy, Joel Courtney, has a lot riding on his shoulders since the film is mainly seen though his eyes, and he's nearly in every scene. 

Abrams' main problem with Courtney and Fanning is that you can tell he's overly enamored with the actors and he tends to linger on them a little too long for comfort. Yes, Spielberg used to do this as well, but he used it sparingly to call attention to certain scenes. Abrams uses it at the drop of a hat.  

So how does the movie story hold up? Not that well, really. These kids get into and out of ridiculous situations with ease. With so much ease in fact, that they never really truly feel like they're in any danger. Also, just like in an 80's Spielberg movie, the kids always know more than the adults, and frankly that cliche just doesn't work well anymore. 


Then there's the much ballyhooed monster. You really never get a good look at the entire creature. Sure, you get a good look at its face in one scene, but it almost seems like a different creature when it's moving due to the weird movement of its limbs and the use of CGI. Also, the creature's motivation for the destruction it causes is set up well, but you would think it would go about things a little differently so as not to draw as much attention to itself given the circumstances. That's where one of the movie's flaws comes into play, because you see that the creature does have a hiding place, but then it rampages all over parts of town drawing so much attention to itself that it kind of makes no sense as to why it has a hiding place in the first place. 


So is this movie worth the hype and your money to see it in the theater? Frankly, no, it's not. It's a nice, extravagant, vanity piece and homage to different time and movie type, but it falls flat in a lot of been-there-done-that archetype that we've seen in films that were made much better long before this one was ever thought up. So don't fall for the false hype.


Rating: Rental. Seriously, this summer and this year are packed with movies coming out, and this one can easily be missed being seen in the theater since it will be out on DVD in the Fall anyway. 

X-Men: First Class Review

SPOILERS AHEAD. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

I'm going to assume that most of you know the X-Men universe (comics, not bastardized movie universe), so I'm not going to be throwing in a lot of explanation of characters...that's what Wikipedia and Google is for..


It's been a day now since I've seen X-Men: First Class, so it's given me some time to ruminate on it and how I felt about it. First off, I went into this with middle-ground expectations. All the reviews were giving it high marks, it was directed by Matthew Vaughn (who directed the very entertaining movie "Kick Ass" among others)...but my remaining doubt was that Bryan Singer was still attached as Producer and that Fox Studios still had control of this franchise. Let me explain, Bryan Singer's X-Men movies were subpar. Very little action (mostly because Singer isn't familiar nor comfortable directing action scenes, and it shows), and the same plot in all three movies. Yes, I know Ratner directed X3, but he only stepped into the director's chair a mere three weeks before filming began. That means he had to work with Singer's script and sets. Granted, Ratner added more action in X3 than we saw in X1 and X2 combined, but it still couldn't save that movie from the same tired and hackneyed script. Unfortunately. So you see my dilemma walking into this movie. So what did I think of it? 


The beginning of the movie we get the same tired opening that we saw in X1 of the concentration camp that a young Magneto is being brought to with his parents. In fact, I thought the projectionist had slipped up and actually threw the old X1 reel onto the projector considering that he/she had screwed up a little earlier and had started Bridesmaids instead of X-Men: First Class. But I digress....


We get to see a little more of what happened to young Magneto at the camp and what awakened his powers. We also get to see a young Charles Xavier and Mystique as well within roughly the same time frame. Flash forward to 1962, and you have an older Magneto hunting down Nazi war criminals. Actually I found this part of the movie much more enjoyable and preferable to having watch Xavier and Mystique stumble through their part of the story in the same time frame.  


We then get a bit of cheap James Bond-esque espionage thrown our way by the CIA investigating the Hellfire Club in Las Vegas. Here we meet Moira MacTaggert as a CIA agent. Now this change kind of ruffled my feathers a little. Moira, in the comics, is a fellow geneticist and doctor. She and Charles are to have met in school, and she was quite important in the X-Men universe. So this change kind of threw me. Anyway, back to the story.


It seems that the Hellfire Club is working at starting World War Three, by getting the superpowers to place missiles close to one another's borders. Why? Because supposedly mutants can handle the radiation that would kill off the regular humans. Yup, time to dust off that old chestnut again, the war between mutants and humans.


Anyway, MacTaggart sees the mutants and wants to fight fire with fire, so she contacts Xavier since he just has graduated with his thesis about genetic mutations in humans. After a little stint at the CIA convincing them of the need to recruit mutants against Sebastian Shaw and the Hellfire Club, that's just what they set about doing. Honestly, this whole government scenario could have been clipped right out of the movie and it wouldn't have been missed. But then again, if the CIA part had been clipped out, then you would have missed out on the cheap James Bond impression the movie makers were trying to use to cover up the fact that this is just the same old, tired X-Men movie plot we've seen three times before, just with a different cast. 


The movie comes to the Cuban Missile Crisis where we have our big (and second of only two) fight scene in the movie. Things are wrapped up tidily with the governments of the world fearing mutants (gee, I haven't seen that before), and Xavier at his home, which has now become a school for gifted youngsters. Ta-da!


Fassbender as Magneto was good, and actually better than Sir Ian. I actually would have sat through a movie of Magneto hunting down Nazi war criminals rather than this movie. McAvoy...well, he played a pretty arrogant Charles Xavier. Did he do a good job? Well if his job was to irk the shit out of me every time he was on the screen, then his mission was surely accomplished. Then we have the chubby Jennifer Lawrence playing Mystique...if awkward were an acting style, she would be garnishing awards a'plenty. Every single time she uttered the phrase, 'Mutant and proud.' I shuddered at how badly it was delivered and how awkward it felt in the script. But it wouldn't be a Bryan Singer production if we didn't have a gay allegory shoved in there somewhere no matter how out of place it felt.  


As for the other cast members, well, they were honestly forgettable and disposable. Even Kevin Bacon as Sebastian Shaw was horrible. Think of one of the worst (least scary) Bond villains, and then bring it down another 100 fold, that's the character he played. 


Again, as I stated earlier in the review, there were only two fight scenes in this movie. Two, in a movie that runs two hours and eleven minutes. There are two cameos in the movie, one that's actually quite funny and the high point of the movie, and the other which was fun but not really necessary. 


The CGI was spotty in places, especially in the sub coming out of the water sequence, but other than that it was passable. The makeup on the other hand was bad when it came to the practical makeup on Beast. There's a scene in the air hangar when we first get to see the newly transformed Beast, and it looks like someone didn't glue the right part of the lip prosthetic on firmly enough. So all I ended up doing was staring at this hanging prosthetic wondering how it ever got past post-production. Anyway, enough with the tear down, let's get to the verdict.


If you're a fan of the Bryan Singer version of the X-Men, then you're in luck! Because this movie is just more of the same. Same plot, same characters, different actors, and the same lack of action. If you're like me and didn't care for Singer's version, then you're shit out of luck because you're getting more of the same, nothing new to see here. It wasn't Matthew Vaughn's fault, because he knows how to direct action movies and does it well, I put the blame directly on Bryan Singer's shoulders because this movie feels like he ghost directed it right back into the grave. I honestly hope Marvel can get the licensing for this property back from Fox and away from Bryan Singer, so that we can actually get a good representation of the X-Men done for once before I die. 


Rating: Rental. I'm lucky that I got a free movie pass due to the projectionist screw-up, otherwise I would have been pissed that I spent $6 on this.

Thor: Movie Review (Spoiler Free)

I was able to attend a sneak preview of the movie "Thor" yesterday morning. For those of you out there that want the short version of how it was, it was awesome. Action, humor, great plot, and it flows so smoothly that the movie goes by quickly leaving you wanting more. Oh, and skip the 3D, see it in glorious 2D as it was intended to be seen. I saw it in 3D and was not impressed by the transfer.


Director Kenneth Branagh brings to life one of Marvel's comic book characters that easily could have come out as cheesy, hammy, or just plain silly. He balances this out easily by making the Asgardians aliens. No, I'm not giving anything away in saying this as Thor himself says in the trailer that where he comes from science and magic are the same. This makes it much easier to really downplay the whole 'gods' concept and get on with the story. It was a very elegant solution for a problem that could have bogged the movie down. It's still faithful to the comic book origins, it's just this one tiny alteration that makes things a whole lot simpler for the movie makers and the movie-goer.


At the heart of the matter, we see that the Asgardians are at an uneasy truce with the Frost Giants. Thor oversteps his duties and pretty much makes a mess of that truce. As punishment, Odin strips Thor of his power and sends him to Earth, AND Odin also sends the hammer Mjolnir to Earth after inscribing some caveats to its use on the side of the great hammer. 


Loki (Thor's brother) plays a great part in most of this movie, but more like a background manipulator at first and later as a major player when his plan comes together. Needless to say, Thor is needed to save the Frost Giant's world, and Asgard from treachery. But he has to do so after learning a few lessons along the way.


Chris Hemsworth does a great job as Thor. He goes through a range of styles; swaggering braggart, gentleman, warrior, petulant child, and humble servant. He does it with an ease that doesn't seem forced or phony, and you come away with the feeling of truly liking the character he plays for who he is and not what he does. 


Tom Hiddleston as Loki was excellent! He played it with the right amount of serpent whispering a little venom into the ear of the person he wanted to dupe. You also get a very palpable sense of anger coming from his character in later scenes that really works well for the story. Yet at the same time, he plays the character so well, that you can never truly hate him outright. That's the sign of someone playing a villain role correctly.


The Warriors Three (Volstagg, Hogun, Fandral) and the Lady Sif are used very well in this movie. They are great warriors, and they also are a little bit of comic relief as well (just as they are in the comics). Ray Stevenson's portrayal of Volstagg is especially well done, as is Jaimie Alexander's role as Lady Sif. 


As for the Idris Elba as Heimdall "controversy", get over yourself. As I stated before, the Asgardians are portrayed as aliens in this movie, not some white power whack-off material. Elba does a great job as Heimdall, where we get to see a great warrior and even a tiny touch of humor as well. 


Sir Anthony Hopkins as Odin hits all the right notes. We see him as a warrior, as a father, and as a king with the weight of the crown on his head. Again, a better choice couldn't be made. 


Finally we get to the humans...Natalie Portman's character of astrophysicist Jane Foster is good and even allows for the brief mention of a certain doctor by the name of Donald Blake. Kat Dennings isn't as annoying as the trailers would have you believe. In fact, the trailers seem to have all her scenes (minus one) in it as she is a very minor character in the movie. And Stellan Skarsgard ties it all together so we don't have to suffer through the characters reciting Norse mythology to each other as a way to explain it to the audience (as what often happens in origin movies). Oh yeah, Hawkeye (or Clint Barton as his real name is known) makes a brief appearance in the movie too, but that's all he does for now.


I have only two problems with this movie; the use of shaky cam during some of the action scenes (although not nearly as bad as it has been in some movies), and 3D. While the shaky cam wasn't anywhere near the level of Cloverfield, it still rendered parts of the action scenes blurred out and unwatchable. Especially in 3D. As for the use of 3D, it really wasn't needed for this movie. In fact, it made some scenes look cheesy and bad like a children's popup book. So again, skip the 3D if you can and see it in 2D. 


Rating: Full price ticket (2D only) multiple times in the theater. Yes, it is that worth it since it's so much fun. Also, be sure to stay until after the credits to see a scene tie-in to the Avengers movie.


Enjoy.

Three Movie Reviews (Spoiler Free)

I went and saw three movies today. Why? Because I wasn't sure if I could do four movies in a row without getting a headache, or sick or something. So here are my spoiler free reviews....


HANNA


Hanna stars Saoirse Ronan, Eric Banna, and Cate Blanchett. The best way to describe this loosely is like a weird mash up of "The Boys of Brazil" meets "The Bourne Identity". You've seen the setup in the trailers, a young girl trained as an assassin goes out to kill her target. 


There's a little more to it than that, that kind of borders on sci-fi and is never really fully explained or explored. It's more of a character study of someone who has been trained with all the knowledge of the modern world, but none of the practical hands on experience of it, with a bit of guns, knives, and hand-to-hand combat thrown in. Add in shaky cam, a lot of hand-held camera shots, and you get a muddled mess that really could have been so much more with a director that was more interested in giving the audience a full story instead of over stylized visuals and not-so-subtle lesbian overtones. 


Rating: Rent it.

PAUL

Paul is the Nick Frost/Simon Pegg movie about two guys from England that go visiting famous UFO sites in the US after Comic Con in San Diego. They just happen to find an alien along the way. 

If you're at all a sci-fi fan, then you'll recognize all the nods to alien and space movies the guys have thrown into this one. It doesn't hurt that they also have a strong story backed by quite a crew of actors like Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor, Bill Hader, and Jane Lynch, just to name a few. I'm not a big fan of Frost's and Pegg's stuff (it's very hit and miss with me), but I liked what I saw with Paul. It was a fun road trip/buddy movie that hit a lot of the right cues. Seth Rogen's voice even didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

Rating: Full Price Ticket.

YOUR HIGHNESS

Now I love my stoner movies. Harold and Kumar (yes, both of them), Dude Where's My Car, Cheech and Chong. But one that I never really dug was Pineapple Express. Why? Mainly Seth Rogen, but also it just felt like the comedy was really, really forced. So I went into this one with a little bit of skepticism...most of which went away with the promise of Natalie Portman in a thong (yeah, I heard the body double rumors too) and Zooey Deschannel with a severely push-up bra.

The movie is a fairly light parody of sword and sorcery movies. Throw in a little pot, a lot of swearing, some nudity (mostly female, but there is a....well, there is male genitalia and let's leave it as a surprise), and some gratuitous bloodshed and you have this movie. The first 20 minutes stumbled along as they tried to get the story groundwork laid, but once that happens it moves along at a quick pace. 

There are some funny moments in the movie, but not as many as you might think. Honestly, it was actually played a little straighter as a sword and sorcery movie than I was expecting. Natalie Portman even gets in a pretty good joke during a monologue. 

Rating: Bargain Matinée (and not just due to Portman's butt)

There you have it. Enjoy.