Friday, March 29, 2013

GI Joe 2 Review

 I fell asleep about 4 or 5 times during this movie, and it didn't affect the plot at all. 

That said, the first movie was just, for lack of a better word. This movie was just a generic action movie (which explains why Willis was in it) that happened to be sprinkled with characters dressed as GI Joes. It was messy, loud, and fairly stupid. Once again, the action scenes were filmed with a camera that was thrown into a blender that itself had been thrown into a tumble dryer. That alone made me grateful I didn't see this shitburger in 3D. 

And for people who'll say "you didn't know the GI Joe cartoons if you didn't like this movie". Fuck you. It's a bad movie in every sense of the word. It wasn't even remotely fun as a generic action movie because the story, editing, and acting were atrocious  It didn't even work as a movie based off of a fun, but hammy 80's cartoon series, OR the comic series, OR the revived 90's cartoon series, OR the kick ass animated mini-series written by Warren Ellis (yeah, like *I* don't know GI Joe history). You know a movie is bad when even Arnold Vosloo won't be in it, since the guy is the king of direct to dvd movies. 

I was really looking forward to this movie being good, and instead I got some generic, macho, bullshit that even has fat, geriatrics being enlisted to fight in the battle. Cobra Commander was boring, and really wasn't necessary except for the MacGuffin of him being needed to launch the missiles from the satellites (why? it's never explained). A cardboard cutout could have done the same job as the guy that played Flint, and other than supplying guns and fat, geriatric 'soldiers', Willis' character was a complete waste of screen time. 

Do yourself a favor and skip this one. Wait for the redbox rental, which should be very soon. Hell, better yet, wait for cable.

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